I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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