Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
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