I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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