if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize