I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My dick has a subreddit
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
