You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
