At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
