Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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