There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Holy shit dude........stairs
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