Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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