I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
