some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
