My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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