He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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