I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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