therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
