And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
