He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
