Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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