that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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