Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Boobs speak an international language.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Randomize
