walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize