your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
