The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
