I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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