i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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