Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Randomize
