i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Randomize
