If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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