drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
