We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
