now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
