Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
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