I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
