What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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