I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
