Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
