It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
