At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
And then he peed in my hair
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