Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
