I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
