the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
