i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Sext me about skeletons
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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