i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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