a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Is Oprah even human
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
