i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Randomize
