He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
