Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Boobs are out for the taking
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
