Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
