it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
True but thats because hes a fetus.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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