She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize