i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
