just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
