this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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