Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
