The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize