We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
