i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
