I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We have started to decorate penises.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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