what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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