After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
