party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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