if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
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