oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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