The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
