The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
