the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Randomize
