Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
