True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize