Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
