I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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