im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
