I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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