i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
