there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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