Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
