I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
