You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
