dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize