these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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