I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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