I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
my being single is dangerous.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
