I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
