the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
