So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
