you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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