I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
