I accidentally burped into my bong.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
