I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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