remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
