carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
