Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
