Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I have surprise drugs for everyone
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
