oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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