I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
