I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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