Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
