This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
