hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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