i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
