Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
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