I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
