So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
