first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
