I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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