I never want to see another naked old woman again.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I can't turn off my feet"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Randomize
