How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
