I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
